He’s an insidious creature. A poison among freedom and happiness. A thought or breath not identical to his ideals, and he draws steel. I’m asked why I’m gone when we are all together. I’m not naturally this way. When I’m free, able to actually live I can smile. I can look up and feel the sky. I can turn and be a person. Not a puppet too afraid to move. You have your small Kingdom you have forced together. You had your sick fun, controlling all of us, and watching us writhe when you wished. But now I can stand firm. Now I know you are casting a sheet over our eyes from the truth. You are but an angry little man. Who abused our innocence and niaveity of the truth. I would leave forever for spite towards you, but I know you delude yourself, using your god-complex to shild you from the truth. This pain is because of you. This fear is because you are in the building. Someday it might be possible for me to escape you. But that is not nearly close enough.
Goodbye father. I make it a point that you never get to meet or know me. Everything I show will be a mask for you. Like a toy for a toddler to keep it happy. Someday I will show your what your have done.
What’s wrong with wanting to live a life from a New Perspective? I think leaving now would be a great idea. Hurry up so I can get out of here.
Letting people down is my thing, baby
Find yourself a new gig
This town ain’t big enough for two of us
Well I’m another step closer to confirming that I’ll be easily forgotten by my closest friend.
I don’t blame you though, I am an awful friend.
So, there’s really nowhere else I can put this without causing a whole bunch of stuff to get stirred up. I just want to put this out there and get it (closer to) out of my head.
So two weeks ago I became sick and it was the usual routine for that stuff. Not so bad like usual for me, but after the first week, one symptom stayed with me. The worst sore throat I’ve ever had. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions so I just let time pass and waited to see if it’d just go away. For the last three days the only way I’ve been able to eat food, swallow without massive discomfort, talk, and really just move my neck has been after taking an excessive amount of painkillers to cause the swelling to go down. It’s not just some normal sore throat; it’s localized to lower down on my left side right below where you’d take a pulse on someone’s neck.
I went to a clinic today and they were able to confirm that it’s not strep, mono, or a common cold. But they’ve got no clue what’s wrong. I tracked any unusual feelings I was having the past three days, and after writing them down, researched what could cause such pain in my neck. My closest find was a failure in the thyroid gland, on the left side of the neck, where my pain is. And I matched over eighty percent of the symptoms.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I doubt it is a thyroid problem, but I’m still scared. My best friend is out of the country for the next few weeks, and I have nobody, nobody, to talk to about any of this.
It’s a little ironic though; someone who’s always wanted to off them self, is afraid of becoming very sick. I guess it’s more of the fact that it would take a while for everything to be over.
Anyways, I bet nobody out there will give two fucks (or even one) about all of this, and I don’t mind. I would do the same to you seeing suck a tl;dr post. But I want this written out somewhere.
I’ll keep this updated on what’s happening when I get more news after I go to another hospital in the city next week. Just for my head to do something.
The most frequent lie I am told; “I’ll txt you later.”
That moment when you’re too damn depressed to “Internet” and all you really end up doing is going onto 4chan /b/ for days.
There are so many times when I look back and wonder, “when did I stop caring?” Then I realize I never did in the first place.
That awkward moment when you relapse by 3 years.
If I hadn’t learned how to make myself laugh I would be dead by now.